Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q: What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.
Q: What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
Q: What doManchester
A: Their personalities.
Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: Both are fucking bad singers!!!
Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.
Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick.
Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q: What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.
Q: What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
Q: What do
A: Their personalities.
Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: Both are fucking bad singers!!!
Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.
Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick.
Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.
Newcastle
Q: Why do so many housewives love Newcastle
A: Cos they stay on top for ages and then come second.
Q: What is black and white, black and white and black and white?
A: ANewcastle
Q: Why do they call Bobby Robson Hitler?
A: Because he can’t win ineurope either.
Q: What’s the difference between the Toon keeper and a taxi driver?
A: A taxi driver will only let in four at a time.
Q: Why do Geordie Supporters have Moustaches?
A: So they can look like their Mothers.
Q: What do Toon fans and laxatives have in common?
A: Both irritate the absolute crap out of you.
Q: What’s the ideal weight for aNewcastle
A: 3 pounds…that’s including the Urn.
A: Cos they stay on top for ages and then come second.
Q: What is black and white, black and white and black and white?
A: A
Q: Why do they call Bobby Robson Hitler?
A: Because he can’t win in
Q: What’s the difference between the Toon keeper and a taxi driver?
A: A taxi driver will only let in four at a time.
Q: Why do Geordie Supporters have Moustaches?
A: So they can look like their Mothers.
Q: What do Toon fans and laxatives have in common?
A: Both irritate the absolute crap out of you.
Q: What’s the ideal weight for a
A: 3 pounds…that’s including the Urn.
Ronaldo, Figo, Beckham, Euro 2004 Joke
Ronaldo, Luis Figo and David Beckham are standing in Heaven before the throne of God.
God looks at them and says; “And so here you are to face your Lord and maker. I shall ask each of you a question.”
Addressing Ronaldo first he asks, “Ronaldo, one of the world’s greatest football players, what is it that you believe brought you here before me?”
Ronaldo looks God in the eye and says passionately, “I believe football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so Many people, from the slums of Rio to the bright lights ofMadrid
God smiles and offers Ronaldo a seat to his left.
He then turns to Luis Figo, “And similarly you, Luis, a hero to so many, what do you think it was brought you to my throne?”
Figo stands tall and proud, “I believe courage, honor and passion are the fundamentals to life and I’ve spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these commitments.”
God, moved by the passion of his speech offers Figo a seat to his right. He then turns to Beckham, “And you, David. Presumably you just want your ball back?”
God looks at them and says; “And so here you are to face your Lord and maker. I shall ask each of you a question.”
Addressing Ronaldo first he asks, “Ronaldo, one of the world’s greatest football players, what is it that you believe brought you here before me?”
Ronaldo looks God in the eye and says passionately, “I believe football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so Many people, from the slums of Rio to the bright lights of
God smiles and offers Ronaldo a seat to his left.
He then turns to Luis Figo, “And similarly you, Luis, a hero to so many, what do you think it was brought you to my throne?”
Figo stands tall and proud, “I believe courage, honor and passion are the fundamentals to life and I’ve spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these commitments.”
God, moved by the passion of his speech offers Figo a seat to his right. He then turns to Beckham, “And you, David. Presumably you just want your ball back?”
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