Software Engineer's Wedding Invitation

One day in future ..

One day in the future, Jesse Jackson has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Jesse thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it, was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Jesse said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Jesse.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Jesse saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Jesse looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said . . . . . . .. . .

"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

Full Form

Nepal: Naturally Ecstasy Peace And Love

Also

Nepal: Never Ends Peace And Love

Holland: Hope Our Love Lasts & Never Dies

Italy: I Trust And Love You

Libya: Love Is Beautiful & You Also

France: Friendship Remains And Never Comes 2 End

भैरवनाथ गणतन्त्र

अस्तिसम्म म्ौले 'लालसलाम' गर्दा 'हातमा के मुठ्याएको?' भनेर खिसी गर्ने उनी, आज एक्कासि दुवै मुठ्की उज्याउँदै झुल्किए । मैले पनि मौकामा चौका हान्दिएँ, "जाडोले हो कि क्या हो, दुवै हात कक्रक्क पार्नुभएको छ त?" जवाफमा भने, "यो गणतन्त्रवादी मुठ्ठी हो ।" छक्क पर्दै प्रश्न गरेँ, "मुठ्ठी उचाल्दै कताबाट त?" उनी बोले, "कमलेट प्रचण्दा र बबुरा भट्टराईलाई भेटेर आएको ।" मैले भूलसुधार गरिदिएँ, "प्रचण्ड-बाबुराम भन्नोस् न" उनी बोले, "आच्छ्या...'प्रचलन' - 'बाबुराल' जे भए पनि एउटै हो नि यार!" हिजोसम्म हामीले समाजवादभन्दा 'सखापवाद' भन्थे, लोकतन्त्रको कुरा गर्दा 'ठोकतन्त्र' भन्थे, गणतन्त्रको गुण गाउँदा 'गाँडुतन्त्र' भन्दै गिज्याउँथे । एक्कासि गणतन्त्रवादी बनेर आउँदा म जिल्ल परेँ "हैन, कसरी सम्पर्क भयो नेताहरूसँग?" जवाफमा उनी बोले, "जहाँ च्यानल गेट- जोसँग पनि हुन्छ भेट" मैले थपेँ, "अनि के कुरा भयो त?" उनले भने, "पार्टीको कुनै 'गणतान्त्रिक मोर्चा' मा म पनि बस्ने भएँ"म थप उत्सुक बनेँ, "साँच्चि, यो गणतन्त्र भनेको चाहिँ के रहेछ हँ?" लामो श् वास तान्दै बोले, "वास्तवमा गणतन्त्र अङ्ग्रेजी भाषाबाट आएको शब्द हो ।" मैले मुखबाट फुत्किन लागेको हाँसो थाम्दै भनँ, "अनि ?" "अनि...न्ग्ल् गन, गन माने बन्दुक । त्यही गनको मन्तरका आधारमा आउने तन्तर नै गनतन्त्र अर्थात् गणतन्त्र हो । त्यस्तै नेवारीमा 'गन' माने 'कता?' भन्ने हुन्छ । त्यही 'गन?' को जन्तर झुण्ड्याएर चलाइने तन्तर पनि गनतन्त्र नै हो । तेस्रो, सङ्ख्या थाहा पाउन दिइने आदेशात्मक नेपाली शब्द 'गन' बाट पनि गन्तन्त्र (गणतन्त्र) आउँदछ । यो नै नेपाली माटो सुहाउँदो एक मात्र गणतन्त्र हो ।""त्यसो भए तिमी यही माटो सुहाउँदो गणतन्त्रको पक्षमा हो?" उसले भन्यो, "होइन, भैरवनाथ गणतन्त्रको पक्षमा" म छक्क परेँ, "के हो त्यो भनेको?" उसले थप्यो, "भैरवनाथ गणतन्त्रले महिलालाई नाङ्गै बनाउने, पुरुषलाई माघेपानीमा डुबाउने, ज्यूँदै गाड्ने, बेपत्ता पार्ने र अन्तिममा शिवपुरीको जङ्गलमा खत्तम पार्ने कुराको व्याख्या गर्दछ ।" म गम्भीर बनेँ, "जनताले खोजेको र तिमीले रोजेको गणतन्त्र त छेउटुप्पै मिलेन त?" ऊ बोल्यो, "त्यही भएर त मिलाउन खोज्दैछु नि" "मतलब?" उत्तरमा ऊ बोल्यो, "मतलब, जुनसकै 'गणतन्त्र' वादी भए पनि उनीहरूलाईर् 'भैरवनाथ गणतन्त्र' को मोर्चामा सामेल गर्ने र देशलाई सोही गणतन्त्रको दिशामा अगाडि बढाउने मेरो एक मात्र उद्देश्य हो, कस्तो लाग्यो?" म हेरेको हेर्‍यै भएँ, कुनै जवाफ दिन सकिनँ ।

सोझीमायाँ, सुन्दरीमायाँ, चिन्तुमाया

आफ्नो छिमेकी जोडीलाई देखाउँदै

सोझीमायाँ : हेर्नुस त तिनिहरु एक अर्कालाई कति प्रेम गर्छन । जतिबेला भेटेपनि उसको श्रीमानले किस गर्छन, अंगालोमा लिन्छन् । तपाई पनि त्यस्तै किन गर्नुहुन्न । मलाई मन पर्छ के ।

दिमागलाल : मलाई पनि मन त पर्छ नि त्यस्तो गर्न तर मेरो उनीसँग त्यति राम्रो चिनजान छैन के ।



चिन्तुराम क्यान्सरको विमार ले गर्दा उसको आयु केवल २ महिनाको भएको कुरा डाक्टरसाबले भन्नुभो । चिन्तुरामकी श्रीमती चिन्तुमाया : उसको बेडनजीकै कुरेर बस्दैथिइन । सोहि क्रममा ...

चिन्तुराम : चिन्तु, अब म मरेपछि तिमि एक्लो हुनेछौ । बरु तिमि म मरेपछि पानबहादुर सँग बिहे गर ल ।

चिन्तुमाया : तर त्यो त हजुरको शत्रु होइन र ?

चिन्तुराम : हो नि त्यसैले त त्योसँग बिहे गर भनेको नि ।

चिन्तुमाया : किन नि?

चिन्तुराम : आजका दिनसम्म मैले दुःख पाएँ अब त्यसले पनि दुःख पाओस भनेर नि । ।



कुनै साथिको विवाह पार्टिमा

सुन्दरीमाया : तिमिले स्वयंवरको औंठी गलत औंलामा लगाए जस्तो लाग्यो नि ।

चिन्तुमाया : अँ गलत औंलामानै लगाएको

सुन्दरीमाया : किन नि

चिन्तुमाया : अब गलत मान्छे सँग विहे भो नि त्यै भएर ।



दिमागलालले आफ्नो विबाह गराइदिने लमीसँग कम्प्लेन गर्दैथियो ।

लमी : होइन तपाईको बिहे भको यत्रो १० वर्षभैसक्यो, अहिले आएर के कुरा चित्त बुझेन ?

दिमागलाल : अब बिहेका शुरुका बर्षत म अफिसबाट आउने वित्तिकै श्रीमती मेरो चप्पल लिएर आउँथिन, मेरो प्यारो सानो कुकुर मेरो वरीपरी घुम्दै भुक्ने गथ्र्यो ।

लमी : त्यसमा के समस्या भयो त राम्रै त रैछ ।

दिमागलाल : समस्या किन नहुनु नि अहिले त सबै कुरा चेन्ज आएको छ ।

लमी : कस्तो चेन्ज ?

दिमागलाल : जब म घर पुग्छु, कुकुरले चप्पल ल्याउँछ, अनि श्रीमती भुक्न थाल्छिन ।

लमी : ए त्यसमा के को खोट लगाउनुहुन्छ हँ आखिर तपाईले पाउने सुविधा एउटै त रैछ नि ।



आ-आफ्नो श्रीमानको बारेमा कुरा गर्दै

चिन्तुमाया : हेर न मेरो श्रीमान त कस्तो सुस्ती छन् भन्या ।

सुन्दरीमाया : छि तँ त जहिले पनि आफ्नो श्रीमानलाई नराम्रो मात्रै भन्छेस, खोइ मेरो श्रीमान मर्ूख, गोबरगणेश, सुस्त, काले भएपनि मैले कहिल्यै नराम्रो भन्दिनँ ।



दिमागलाल : ओई के भो तँलाई किन नुन खाको कुखुरा जस्तो झोक्राको ।

चिन्तुराम : खोइ के भन्ने लास्टै टेन्सन पर्‍यो नि ।

दिमागलाल : के पर्‍यो त्यस्तो ?

चिन्तुराम : के हुनु म छोराको बाउँ बन्न पुगें ।

दिमागलाल : ल कस्तो अचम्म खुशी हुनुपर्ने कुरा रैछ । ल बधाई छ ।

चिन्तुराम : के को बधाई नि । तेरो बधाई तैं राख । भरे मेरी श्रीमतीले थाहा पाएपछि के हुने हो ।

 



सोझीमायाँ : मेरो श्रीमान जहिले पनि घर ढिला आउनुहुन्छ , कसरी सुधार्ने होला खोई ?

सुन्दरीमायाँ : मेरो सल्लाह मान र मैले गरेजस्तै गर त सुध्रिहाल्छन् नि ।

सोझीमायाँ : कसरी ।

सुन्दरीमायाँ : एकपटक उहाँ बिहान ३ बजे आउनुभो, अनि म पनि त्यै बेलामा उहाँले सुन्नेगरी कराएँ यति चाँडै उठेर के गरेको श्याम? भनेर श्रीमानलाई तह लगाएँ नि ।

सोझीमाया : अचम्म त्यसो भन्दैमा कसरी सुध्रिए त ?

सुन्दरीमायाँ : ल मेरो श्रीमानको नाम श्याम नभई चिन्तुराम हो नि त ।

जानबहादुरको चुटने किला

जानबहादुर आफ्नी प्रेमीका सुन्दरीमायाँ सँग ...

जानबहादुर : डार्लिङ्ग आई लभ यु ।

सुन्दरीमाया : आइ नो ।

त्यसपछि जानबहादुर सुन्दरीमायाको काखमा गर्लम्म ढल्छ ।

सुन्दरीमा : होइन के भयो ? किन ढलेको त्यस्तरी ?

जानबहादुर : आई एम फलीङ्ग इन लभ के ।



सुन्दरीमाया : जानु , मलाई Daddy ले एउटा Byke किन्दीनुभयो नि ।

जानबहादुर : हो र, कुन Byke हो नि ?

सुन्दरीमाया : नाम त मैले बिर्से... ए अँ साँच्चि T बाट start हुन्छ ।

जानबहादुर : कस्तो अचम्मको बाइक होला Tea बाट start हुने, मेरो त Petrol बाट मात्रै start हुन्छ ।



प्रेममय क्षण ...

सुन्दरीमाया : Janu

जानबहादुर : Yes Darling

सुन्दरीमाया : Will you give me a ring on our engagement?

जानबहादुर : Of course dear, but in your mobile or landline?



डाक्टरसाब : तिमी क्यान्सरको Last Stage मा छौ । अब तिमिसँग मात्र १ दिनको समय छ । तिमि कसैलाइ भेट्न चाहन्छौ ?

जानबहादुर : पक्कै चाहन्छु नि ।

डाक्टरसाब : कोसँग प्रेमिका सँग?

जानबहादुर : होइन । अर्को कुनै राम्रो डाक्टरसँग ।



पानबहादुर : हेर न यार आज रातभरी लामखुट्टेले टोकेर सुत्नै पाइन भन्या । क गर्ने होला ?

जानबहादुर : हे त्यति सानो समस्या पनि ... किरा मार्ने औषधी पिएर सुत न अनि त लामखुट्टे टोक्ने वित्तिकै मर्छ नि ।



पानबहादुर : आइजा चेस खेलौं

जानबहादुर : ल एकछिन पख म स्पोर्ट शु लगार आउँछु ।



जानबहादुर आफ्नी प्रेमीका सुन्दरीमाया लाई लिएर पोखराको विन्दुबासिनी सिनेमा हलमा निखिल दाई फिल्म हेन गए । फिल्म हर्ेर्ने क्रममा अत्यन्त सिरीयस सिन आइरहेको थियो यत्तिकैमा

सुन्दरीमाया : (रुँदै) ऐया नि ... मेरो खुट्टा अगाडिको सिटमा अटि्कयो ।

पानबहादुर : कन्ट्रोल योरसेल्फ डार्लिङ्ग । उ हेर त गोली लाग्दा त निखिल दाई रोछैन ।



लोक सेवा आयोगको इन्टरभ्यूमा

आयोग प्रमुख : Where were you born?

जानबहादुर : Pokhara

आयोग प्रमुख : which part?

जानबहादुर : के को which part नि whole body born in Pokhara.



आयोग प्रमुखः ल भन्नुस सफा टेम्पो कसरी चल्छ ?

जानबहादुर : र्घुरर्रररररररर्रर्रररररररर

आयोग प्रमुख चिच्याउँछन् : स्टप इट

जानबहादुर : र्घुर  घुर  घुर



जानबहादुर लोकसेवा पास गरेर कम्प्युटर अपरेटर को जागीर पाउँछ । जागीरको पहिलो दिन जानबहादुर साँझ अबेर सम्म पनि काम गरेको देखेर कार्यालय प्रमुख खुशी हुन्छन र सोध्छन्

प्रमुख : जानबहादुर, तिमि त निकै मिहिनेती रैछौ । निकै काम गर्दोरहेछौ ।

जानबहादुर : थान्कु सर ।

प्रमुख : होइन यति मिहिनेत गरेर के काम गर्दैछौ - भोलि गर्दा पनि त हुन्छ नि ।

जानबहादुर : हेर्नुस् न सर, यो किबोर्डमा अल्फाबेटीक अर्डरमा नमिलाएको रहेछ त्यसैलाई ठिक गर्दैछु ।



संग्रहालयभित्र जानबहादुरले अन्जानमा पृथ्वी नारायण शाहको शालिक फटाउन पुग्छ ....

संग्रहालय संरक्षक :  तपाईले बर्बादै पार्नुभो नि त्यो बर्षौ पुरानो शालिक थियो ।

जानबहादुर :         थ्यांक्स गड , धन्न पुरानो परेछ , म त नयाँ होला भनेर कस्तो आत्तिएको ।



संग्रहालयमा

टूरिष्ट :                यो कस्को अस्थिपञ्जर हो ?

जानबहादुर :         जंगबहादुर को ।

टूरिष्ट :                अनि त्यो सानो नि ?

जानबहादुर :         ए त्यो , त्यो पनि जंगबहादुर कै त होला नि ।

टूरिष्ट :                त्यस्तो पनि हुन्छ?

जानबहादुर :         किन नहुनु नि, जंगबहादुर बच्चा हुँदाखेरिको हुन सक्दैन त ।



जानबहादुर : साहुजी, यसरी सोझो भनेर ठग्न मिल्छ ?

साहुजी : कस्तो मान्छे तपाईँ त । मैले झन आर्जिनल जापानिज रेडियो देको हो नपत्याए रेडियोमै लेख्याछ हेर्नुस् ।

जानबहादुर : अब त्यै लेख्या भरमा त मैले लगेको नि । घर गर सुन्दा त यसैले यो रेडियो नेपाल हो भनिहाल्यो अनि त मैले थाहा पाइहाले नि ।



सत्य ले नासामा जागिर पाउँछ । एक महिना पछि बैज्ञानिकहरु नाम परिवर्तन गर्ने अवस्थामा पुग्छन् र नासाको नाम परिवर्तन गरिन्छ सत्यनासः ।

Actress Rekha Thapa @ Nagad Paanch Lakh ...

 Nepali Actress Rekha Thapa is in a Quiz Contest trying to win prize money of Rs. 5 Lakh (Nagad Panch Laakh)



 The questions are as follows asked by Madan Bamsa Shrestha :



1) How long was the 100 yr war?

A) 116

B) 99

C) 100

D) 150



Rekha says "I will skip this"

 2) In which country are the Panama hats made?



A) BRASIL

B) CHILE

C) PANAMA

D) EQUADOR



Rekha asks for help from the other actresses

3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

A) JANUARY

B) SEPTEMBER

C) OCTOBER

D) NOVEMBER



Rekha asks for help from general public

4) Which of these was King George VI first name?



A) EDER

B) ALBERT

C) GEORGE

D) MANOEL



Rekha asks for lucky cards



5) The Canary Islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:



A) CANARYBIRD

B) KANGAROO

C) PUPPY

D) RAT



Rekha gives up.



If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at our Rekha's replies, Then please check the answers below:



1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337- 1453



2) The Panama hat is made in Equador



3) The October revolution is celebrated in November



4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.

5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA

which means islands of the puppies.



Now tell me who's the hell one .... Don't ever laugh at a Rekha again.

Some extraordinary minds

final exams~ funny hahaha

Finals week !!


F.I.N.A.L.S.
F: F**k
I: I
N: Never
A: Actually
L: Learned
S: Shit

Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING.....i don't think that was an accident!

I'm not going to cheat on the test tommorow, i'm simply going to study during it.

Twas the night before exam week, and all through the dorms, not a student was studying, this was usually the norm. Kegs in the kitchen, jello shots in the hall--thanks to the liquor, it was a late night for all. Passed out all around, the kids all slept tight. When they woke up the next day, they thought, 'Man, whatta night!' We are to hung-over to study they shouted with cheer. So forget the exams and bring on the beer!

Finals are like boys...
1. they're hard to understand
2. you might get the urge to cheat on them
3. some are harder than others
4. they put pressure on you to perform well
5. they were created to make our lives hell
6. you can work for hours and still get no satisfaction
7. some take longer to finish than others
8. you always have 3 or 4 at a time
9. some aren't as big as you had expected
10. they're much easier to do when you're drunk because you just don't care

A group of college students knew they had a quiz on Monday, so on Friday they decided to go party and come back to study on Sunday. Well, they where having so much fun that they called their professor and said they had a flat tire and couldn't be back until Monday night.. the professor said ok, and they decided to go home Monday, study and take the test Tuesday. So they came back and studied but little did they know the professor was onto them. He put them all into seperate rooms and they took their tests, but the last question was a bonus question worth 50% of the grade..the question? : Which tire????

A professor was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrows final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family members death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the prof glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write".

Yo his pencil's heavy, knees weak, face is sweaty...the final is on the desk already, but he forgot to study. He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to score A's, but he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down the proctor yawns so loud, then opens his mouth and the words come out...he's talking now everyone's listening now..."the clock's run out...time's up, put your pencils down."

Now I lay me down to study,
I pray the lord I won't go nutty,
for if I fail to learn this junk,
I pray the Lord I will not flunk.
But if I do don't pitty me at all,
just lay my bones in the dorm hall.
Tell my professer I did my best,
now I lay me down to rest,
and pray ill pass tomorrow's test.
But if I die before I wake,
that's one less test ill have to TAKE!

I'm studying for finals - this defies the laws of physics by sucking and blowing at the same time :-/

Dude, why bother taking these finals if I just know I'm going to fail them? Right now, I'm practicing the phrase, 'Would you like fries with that?'
As long as there are finals, there will be prayer in public schools.

I hate having finals. I have to learn everything that I was supposed to be learning all semester … in one week what's with that???
It has commenced...finals week is upon us in full force, seizing what sanity I have left after a menacing term. The thought of a pure, utopian society has faded while (insert school name here) has captured the last breath of any rational existence and conquered our self-worth. In coming days it is likely to see a plethora of unpleasant faces staring into an oblivion that can only be experienced by the (insert school name here) society. The underlying prolifigacy in which this institution so loves to put forth has taken a toll on our already feeble carcasses, in result of consuming repulsive dining hall rations. The possibility of survival is a distant notion...God help us all...

I'm making a million flashcards
In this time of despair,
I can't really concentrate
In this fun swivel chair.
I hate how they say
This is Important to know.
When all we're learning
Is how plants grow.
You have no idea
How annoyed I am
Changing my plans
For this dumb final exam.
Can you please just
LEAVE ME ALONE AND GO AWAY!
YOU DAMN FINALS
YOU'RE RUINING MY DAY!

Chilly Question & Ans.

Chilly Question & Ans.

*Girlfriend: **And are you sure you love me and no one else?*

*Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday*

***********

*Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?*

*Customer: What other colors do you have?*

***********

*Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.*

*Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help
anyway!!*

***********

*Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?*

*Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.*

***********

*Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!*

*Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.*

***********

*Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!*

*Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?*

***********

*Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.*

*Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!*

***********

*Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!*

*Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.*

***********

*Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!*

*Son: That's why I say she's no **good!*

--
Sean Pun
Butwal, Nepal

Do U know da Meaning of ABCDEFG?

*Do you know the Meaning of,*
**
*ABCDEFG*
**
*A Boy Can Do Everthing For Gals*
**
*Reverse the meaning of,*
**
*GFEDCBA*
**
*Gals Forget Everthing Done & Catches new Boy Again *
**

Send by:
Sean Pun
Butwal, Nepal

Jokes to Make You Laugh

* Make You Laugh *

 BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning Kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the Cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear
And comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both
Ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andrew says I'm ugly.What
Do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and
No one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again
Yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun
Or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
<wbr>com/index.jokes-to-make-you-;Teacher
: "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need It but the sun gives us light only in the day time
When we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on
Talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

5) My father is so old that when he was in school,
History was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father
Is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father That I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared,
Past year's performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a Donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be Showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
Prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
Cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering Doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show That nine out of ten people die of the disease you Have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others All died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married On the same day and at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped Down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?" One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is
hand.

°l||l° Love vs Marriage„¢ °l||l°

Love and Marriage       Love is holding hands in the street. Marriage is holding arguments in the street.   Love is cuddling on a sofa.. Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa. Love is talking about having children. Marriage is talking about getting away from children. Love is going to bed early.. Marriage is going to sleep early.    Love is losing your appetite. Marriage is losing your figure.   Love is sweet nothing in the ear. Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.    TV has no place in love. Marriage is a fight for remote control.    Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".    Conclusion: "Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!" --- ***

.

Sincerly 

 Sean Pun

Butwal, Nepal

" To the world you might be one person, But to one person you just might be the world"

°l||l° Morning Fun™ °l||l° 3 Wishes

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. and he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. and he was also gone.   The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."                  Sean Pun Butwal, Nepal

.

Politics

----- Forwarded Message ----

From: "Acharya, Anil K" <anil.acharya>

To: "Subba, Birendra X" <birendra.subba>; "Gautam, Tika R" <tika.gautam>; "Gurung, Tej B" <tej.gurung>

Sent: Tuesday, October 7, 2008 2:30:29 AM

Subject: Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?' 
 Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: 
 I am the head of the family , so call me The President. 
 Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. 
 We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
 The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. 
 And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. 
 Now think about that and see if it makes sense. 
 

So the little boy Goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. 
 Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. 
 He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. 
 So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.  
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.' 
 The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.' 

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Cl ass while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future  is in deep sh! it 

Regards,

Anil Acharya.

Drilling Communication Support

Bldg # 3091, R-203, Dhahran

Tel. # 03-876-6860

Fax # 03-876-4711

Mobile # 0500497473

Email: anil.acharya

Lessons in Logic

If your father is a poor man,

It is your fate but,

If your father-in-law is a poor man,

It’s your stupidity.

............ ......... ......... .........

I was born intelligent -

Education ruined me.

............ ......... ......... .........

Practice makes perfect.....

But nobody's perfect..... .

So why practice?

............ ......... ......... .........

If it's true that we are here to help others,

Then what exactly are the others here for?

............ ......... ......... .........

Since light travels faster than sound,

People appear bright until you hear them speak.

............ ......... ......... .........

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

............ ......... ......... .........

Money is not everything.

There's MasterCard & Visa.

............ ......... ......... .........

One should love animals.

 They are so tasty.

............ ......... ......... .........

Behind every successful man, there is a woman

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two women.

............ ......... ......... .........

Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

............ ......... ......... .........

The wise never marry.

 and when they marry they become otherwise.

............ ......... ......... .........

Success is a relative term.

 It brings so many relatives.

............ ......... ......... .........

Never put off the work till tomorrow

 What you can put off today.

............ ......... ......... .........

"Your future depends on your dreams"

 So go to sleep

............ ......... ......... .........

There should be a better way to start a day

 Than waking up every morning

............ ......... ......... .........

"Hard work never killed anybody"

 But why take the risk

............ ......... ......... .........

"Work fascinates me"

 I can look at it for hours

............ ......... ......... .........

God made relatives;

 Thank God we can choose our friends.

............ ......... ......... .........

The more you learn, the more you know,

 The more you know, the more you forget

 The more you forget, the less you know

 So.. why learn.

............ ......... ......... .........

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....

That’s all for now cause I’m going to prepare another mail for you........

- sigdeldr

What's a mixed feeling?

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q. What's the definition of macho? A. Jogging home from your vasectomy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex? A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q.Why is divorce so expensive? A. Because it's worth it! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q. What is a Yankee? A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common? A. They both like a tight seal. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? A. Their balls are just for decoration. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'? A. About three inches. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q: What's the difference between purple and pink? A. The grip. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? A. It's not hard. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 pounds. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? A. The swallow. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q: What is the difference between medium and rare? A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A .. They don't have balls to scratch! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ OH, don't groan. You know darn well you're going to send this on to somebody Live well, laugh hard, & love deeply!!!

Software engineer and his wife

Software engineer and his wife Husband - hey dear, I am logged in. Wife - would you like to have some snacks? Husband - hard disk full. Wife - have you brought the saree. Husband - Bad command or file name. Wife - but I told you about it in morning Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel. Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary. Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time. Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping. Husband - sharing violation, access denied.  Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you. Husband - data type mismatch.  Wife - you are useless. Husband - by default. Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning? Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot. Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist? Husband - the only user with write permission.  Wife - what is my value in your life? Husband - unknown virus detected. Wife - do you love me or your computer? Husband - Too many parameters. Wife - I will go to my dad's house. Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close. Wife - I will leave you forever. Husband - close all programs and log out for another User. Wife - it is worthless talking to you. Husband - shut down the computer. Wife - I am going Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer - sigdeldr

Europe Life

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor and said: Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully  within this period. Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board. Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings. Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only... Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal. Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first: Doctor: OK. Tell me. Man: I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night. I get up in the morning like a horse I go to work running like a deer I work all the day like a donkey I run around for 12 months a year like a bull with only 28days holiday. I wag my tail in front of all my bosses I play with my children like a monkey if I get time. Doctor: are you FROM Europe? Man: Yes Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the beginning itself that you are FROM Europe. Come man, no one can treat you better than me. (Pass this message to all your friends back home especialy your neighbours & relatives who think life in the europe is full of luxuries. Let them know the real life.)

life without GF

HOW HAPPY IS LIFE WITHOUT A GIRLFRIEND ;-)

 1. You can stare at any Girl.......

************ *
 2. You don't have to spend money on her.

************ *
 3. You won't get boring result of your exams.

************ *
 4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.

************ *
5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u.

************ *
6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.

************ *
7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring.

************ *
8. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u.

************ *
9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according ur wishes anymore.

************ *
10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life.

************ *
11. You won't have to waste paper writing love letters. No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop place.

************ *
12. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them.

************ *
13. You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports.

************ *
14. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin less.

************ *
15. You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.

************ *
16. You wont have to fight over having a 'special' friend with ur folks.

************ *
17. No nonstop nonsense.

************ *
18. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.

************ *
19. No tension.

************ *
20. You can be "urself"

************ *
21. You wont have to hide your telephone bills.....