One day in the future, Jesse Jackson has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Jesse thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it, was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Jesse said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Jesse.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Jesse saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Jesse looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said . . . . . . .. . .
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Oct 12, 2010
सोझीमायाँ, सुन्दरीमायाँ, चिन्तुमाया
आफ्नो छिमेकी जोडीलाई देखाउँदै
सोझीमायाँ : हेर्नुस त तिनिहरु एक अर्कालाई कति प्रेम गर्छन । जतिबेला भेटेपनि उसको श्रीमानले किस गर्छन, अंगालोमा लिन्छन् । तपाई पनि त्यस्तै किन गर्नुहुन्न । मलाई मन पर्छ के ।
दिमागलाल : मलाई पनि मन त पर्छ नि त्यस्तो गर्न तर मेरो उनीसँग त्यति राम्रो चिनजान छैन के ।
चिन्तुराम क्यान्सरको विमार ले गर्दा उसको आयु केवल २ महिनाको भएको कुरा डाक्टरसाबले भन्नुभो । चिन्तुरामकी श्रीमती चिन्तुमाया : उसको बेडनजीकै कुरेर बस्दैथिइन । सोहि क्रममा ...
चिन्तुराम : चिन्तु, अब म मरेपछि तिमि एक्लो हुनेछौ । बरु तिमि म मरेपछि पानबहादुर सँग बिहे गर ल ।
चिन्तुमाया : तर त्यो त हजुरको शत्रु होइन र ?
चिन्तुराम : हो नि त्यसैले त त्योसँग बिहे गर भनेको नि ।
चिन्तुमाया : किन नि?
चिन्तुराम : आजका दिनसम्म मैले दुःख पाएँ अब त्यसले पनि दुःख पाओस भनेर नि । ।
कुनै साथिको विवाह पार्टिमा
सुन्दरीमाया : तिमिले स्वयंवरको औंठी गलत औंलामा लगाए जस्तो लाग्यो नि ।
चिन्तुमाया : अँ गलत औंलामानै लगाएको
सुन्दरीमाया : किन नि
चिन्तुमाया : अब गलत मान्छे सँग विहे भो नि त्यै भएर ।
दिमागलालले आफ्नो विबाह गराइदिने लमीसँग कम्प्लेन गर्दैथियो ।
लमी : होइन तपाईको बिहे भको यत्रो १० वर्षभैसक्यो, अहिले आएर के कुरा चित्त बुझेन ?
दिमागलाल : अब बिहेका शुरुका बर्षत म अफिसबाट आउने वित्तिकै श्रीमती मेरो चप्पल लिएर आउँथिन, मेरो प्यारो सानो कुकुर मेरो वरीपरी घुम्दै भुक्ने गथ्र्यो ।
लमी : त्यसमा के समस्या भयो त राम्रै त रैछ ।
दिमागलाल : समस्या किन नहुनु नि अहिले त सबै कुरा चेन्ज आएको छ ।
लमी : कस्तो चेन्ज ?
दिमागलाल : जब म घर पुग्छु, कुकुरले चप्पल ल्याउँछ, अनि श्रीमती भुक्न थाल्छिन ।
लमी : ए त्यसमा के को खोट लगाउनुहुन्छ हँ आखिर तपाईले पाउने सुविधा एउटै त रैछ नि ।
आ-आफ्नो श्रीमानको बारेमा कुरा गर्दै
चिन्तुमाया : हेर न मेरो श्रीमान त कस्तो सुस्ती छन् भन्या ।
सुन्दरीमाया : छि तँ त जहिले पनि आफ्नो श्रीमानलाई नराम्रो मात्रै भन्छेस, खोइ मेरो श्रीमान मर्ूख, गोबरगणेश, सुस्त, काले भएपनि मैले कहिल्यै नराम्रो भन्दिनँ ।
दिमागलाल : ओई के भो तँलाई किन नुन खाको कुखुरा जस्तो झोक्राको ।
चिन्तुराम : खोइ के भन्ने लास्टै टेन्सन पर्यो नि ।
दिमागलाल : के पर्यो त्यस्तो ?
चिन्तुराम : के हुनु म छोराको बाउँ बन्न पुगें ।
दिमागलाल : ल कस्तो अचम्म खुशी हुनुपर्ने कुरा रैछ । ल बधाई छ ।
चिन्तुराम : के को बधाई नि । तेरो बधाई तैं राख । भरे मेरी श्रीमतीले थाहा पाएपछि के हुने हो ।
सोझीमायाँ : मेरो श्रीमान जहिले पनि घर ढिला आउनुहुन्छ , कसरी सुधार्ने होला खोई ?
सुन्दरीमायाँ : मेरो सल्लाह मान र मैले गरेजस्तै गर त सुध्रिहाल्छन् नि ।
सोझीमायाँ : कसरी ।
सुन्दरीमायाँ : एकपटक उहाँ बिहान ३ बजे आउनुभो, अनि म पनि त्यै बेलामा उहाँले सुन्नेगरी कराएँ यति चाँडै उठेर के गरेको श्याम? भनेर श्रीमानलाई तह लगाएँ नि ।
सोझीमाया : अचम्म त्यसो भन्दैमा कसरी सुध्रिए त ?
सुन्दरीमायाँ : ल मेरो श्रीमानको नाम श्याम नभई चिन्तुराम हो नि त ।
जानबहादुरको चुटने किला
जानबहादुर आफ्नी प्रेमीका सुन्दरीमायाँ सँग ...
जानबहादुर : डार्लिङ्ग आई लभ यु ।
सुन्दरीमाया : आइ नो ।
त्यसपछि जानबहादुर सुन्दरीमायाको काखमा गर्लम्म ढल्छ ।
सुन्दरीमा : होइन के भयो ? किन ढलेको त्यस्तरी ?
जानबहादुर : आई एम फलीङ्ग इन लभ के ।
सुन्दरीमाया : जानु , मलाई Daddy ले एउटा Byke किन्दीनुभयो नि ।
जानबहादुर : हो र, कुन Byke हो नि ?
सुन्दरीमाया : नाम त मैले बिर्से... ए अँ साँच्चि T बाट start हुन्छ ।
जानबहादुर : कस्तो अचम्मको बाइक होला Tea बाट start हुने, मेरो त Petrol बाट मात्रै start हुन्छ ।
प्रेममय क्षण ...
सुन्दरीमाया : Janu
जानबहादुर : Yes Darling
सुन्दरीमाया : Will you give me a ring on our engagement?
जानबहादुर : Of course dear, but in your mobile or landline?
डाक्टरसाब : तिमी क्यान्सरको Last Stage मा छौ । अब तिमिसँग मात्र १ दिनको समय छ । तिमि कसैलाइ भेट्न चाहन्छौ ?
जानबहादुर : पक्कै चाहन्छु नि ।
डाक्टरसाब : कोसँग प्रेमिका सँग?
जानबहादुर : होइन । अर्को कुनै राम्रो डाक्टरसँग ।
पानबहादुर : हेर न यार आज रातभरी लामखुट्टेले टोकेर सुत्नै पाइन भन्या । क गर्ने होला ?
जानबहादुर : हे त्यति सानो समस्या पनि ... किरा मार्ने औषधी पिएर सुत न अनि त लामखुट्टे टोक्ने वित्तिकै मर्छ नि ।
पानबहादुर : आइजा चेस खेलौं
जानबहादुर : ल एकछिन पख म स्पोर्ट शु लगार आउँछु ।
जानबहादुर आफ्नी प्रेमीका सुन्दरीमाया लाई लिएर पोखराको विन्दुबासिनी सिनेमा हलमा निखिल दाई फिल्म हेन गए । फिल्म हर्ेर्ने क्रममा अत्यन्त सिरीयस सिन आइरहेको थियो यत्तिकैमा
सुन्दरीमाया : (रुँदै) ऐया नि ... मेरो खुट्टा अगाडिको सिटमा अटि्कयो ।
पानबहादुर : कन्ट्रोल योरसेल्फ डार्लिङ्ग । उ हेर त गोली लाग्दा त निखिल दाई रोछैन ।
लोक सेवा आयोगको इन्टरभ्यूमा
आयोग प्रमुख : Where were you born?
जानबहादुर : Pokhara
आयोग प्रमुख : which part?
जानबहादुर : के को which part नि whole body born in Pokhara.
आयोग प्रमुखः ल भन्नुस सफा टेम्पो कसरी चल्छ ?
जानबहादुर : र्घुरर्रररररररर्रर्रररररररर
आयोग प्रमुख चिच्याउँछन् : स्टप इट
जानबहादुर : र्घुर घुर घुर
जानबहादुर लोकसेवा पास गरेर कम्प्युटर अपरेटर को जागीर पाउँछ । जागीरको पहिलो दिन जानबहादुर साँझ अबेर सम्म पनि काम गरेको देखेर कार्यालय प्रमुख खुशी हुन्छन र सोध्छन्
प्रमुख : जानबहादुर, तिमि त निकै मिहिनेती रैछौ । निकै काम गर्दोरहेछौ ।
जानबहादुर : थान्कु सर ।
प्रमुख : होइन यति मिहिनेत गरेर के काम गर्दैछौ - भोलि गर्दा पनि त हुन्छ नि ।
जानबहादुर : हेर्नुस् न सर, यो किबोर्डमा अल्फाबेटीक अर्डरमा नमिलाएको रहेछ त्यसैलाई ठिक गर्दैछु ।
संग्रहालयभित्र जानबहादुरले अन्जानमा पृथ्वी नारायण शाहको शालिक फटाउन पुग्छ ....
संग्रहालय संरक्षक : तपाईले बर्बादै पार्नुभो नि त्यो बर्षौ पुरानो शालिक थियो ।
जानबहादुर : थ्यांक्स गड , धन्न पुरानो परेछ , म त नयाँ होला भनेर कस्तो आत्तिएको ।
संग्रहालयमा
टूरिष्ट : यो कस्को अस्थिपञ्जर हो ?
जानबहादुर : जंगबहादुर को ।
टूरिष्ट : अनि त्यो सानो नि ?
जानबहादुर : ए त्यो , त्यो पनि जंगबहादुर कै त होला नि ।
टूरिष्ट : त्यस्तो पनि हुन्छ?
जानबहादुर : किन नहुनु नि, जंगबहादुर बच्चा हुँदाखेरिको हुन सक्दैन त ।
जानबहादुर : साहुजी, यसरी सोझो भनेर ठग्न मिल्छ ?
साहुजी : कस्तो मान्छे तपाईँ त । मैले झन आर्जिनल जापानिज रेडियो देको हो नपत्याए रेडियोमै लेख्याछ हेर्नुस् ।
जानबहादुर : अब त्यै लेख्या भरमा त मैले लगेको नि । घर गर सुन्दा त यसैले यो रेडियो नेपाल हो भनिहाल्यो अनि त मैले थाहा पाइहाले नि ।
सत्य ले नासामा जागिर पाउँछ । एक महिना पछि बैज्ञानिकहरु नाम परिवर्तन गर्ने अवस्थामा पुग्छन् र नासाको नाम परिवर्तन गरिन्छ सत्यनासः ।
HUSBAND STORE
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may
choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a
woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . ...
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the ! Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may
choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a
woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . ...
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the ! Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Moral:
Remember Greed is one of the seven deadly sins.
You have to learn to be grateful for what you have to get more.
When you are ungrateful you end up with nothing.
God! Please make me woman.
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day". God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast forhis mate, awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, Drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.
Aug 31, 2010
jokes
प्रेमी प्रेमिकालाई:प्यारि म तिमीसँग बिहे गर्न सक्दिन मेरो परिवारले मानिरहेको छैनन्
प्रेमिक:तिम्रो परिवारमा को को छ र ?
प्रेमि:एउटि श्रीमती र तीन जना बच्चा..........
शिक्षक:यती तिम्रो बुवाले ५०० रुपैया १० को दर ले ब्याजमा लिनु भयो भने १ बर्षमा कती तिर्नु पर्छ ?
विद्यार्थी:कती पनि तिर्नु पर्दैन ।
शिक्षक:तिमीलाई हिसाब गर्न आउदैन ?
विद्यार्थी:सर मलाई त हिसाब आउछ तर मेरो बुवालाई आउदैन
राम: म एक पटक जँगल मा पिसाब गर्न लाई गएको थिए मेरो अगाडी एउटा बाघ आयो
श्याम्: अनि के भयो???
राम: मैले बाघ लाई भने पहिले तिमी गर मेरो त भयो.......
राम:त्यो केटी हेर त कती राम्री
श्याम्:मलाई त्यस्को नाम थाहा छ
राम:के नाम हो त्यसको
श्याम्:त्यो केटी बैँक मा काम गर्छे, र उस्को काउन्टरको माथी उस्को नाम लेखेको छ चालु खाता....
सिक्षक्: ठुलो भए पछी तिमी के गर्छौ ?
विद्यार्थी: सर बिहे
सिक्षक्: मेरो मतलब्, के बन्छौ?
विद्यार्थी: सर बेहुला
सिक्षक्: मेरो मतलब त्यो होईन, ठुलो भएर के पाउछौ?
विद्यार्थी: सर बेहुलि..
परिछामा एउटा परिछार्थिले सबै प्रश्नको उत्तर खाली छोडेछ र अन्तिम पृस्ठ मा यस्तो लेखेछ ,,,,,:-
"यदी आफ्नो बाउको सन्तान होश भने पास बनएर देखा
एउटा प्रचलित वृध मान्छेले भर्खरको केटीसँग विवाह गरेछ ।
रिपोर्टर : तपाईंले उहाँमा के देख्नुभयो ?
केटी : एक त उहाँको इन्कम्, अर्को दिनकम
पती पत्निमा लडाईं भयो । पती रिसले घरबाट हिड्यो ।
(४ घण्टापछी पती घरमा फोन गर्दै)
पती : आज के पकाको छ ।
पत्नी : बिष ! खाने हो ।
हरी : मम्मी म जन्मनुभन्दा पहिला तपाईंले मलाई देख्नुभएको थियो ।
मम्मी : थिईन
हरी : त्यसोभए जन्मिएपछी मलाई कसरी चिन्नुभयो ।
रोगी : डाक्टर साब मलाई डर लागि रहेको छ, किनकी यो मेरो पहिलो आपरेसन हो ।
डाक्टर : म तिम्रो हालत राम्ररी बुज्छु, किनभने मेरो पनि यो पहिलो आपरेसन हो ।
Dec 15, 2009
final exams~ funny hahaha
Finals week !!
F.I.N.A.L.S.
F: F**k
I: I
N: Never
A: Actually
L: Learned
S: Shit
Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING....
I'm not going to cheat on the test tommorow, i'm simply going to study during it.
Twas the night before exam week, and all through the dorms, not a student was studying, this was usually the norm. Kegs in the kitchen, jello shots in the hall--thanks to the liquor, it was a late night for all. Passed out all around, the kids all slept tight. When they woke up the next day, they thought, 'Man, whatta night!' We are to hung-over to study they shouted with cheer. So forget the exams and bring on the beer!
Finals are like boys...
1. they're hard to understand
2. you might get the urge to cheat on them
3. some are harder than others
4. they put pressure on you to perform well
5. they were created to make our lives hell
6. you can work for hours and still get no satisfaction
7. some take longer to finish than others
8. you always have 3 or 4 at a time
9. some aren't as big as you had expected
10. they're much easier to do when you're drunk because you just don't care
A group of college students knew they had a quiz on Monday, so on Friday they decided to go party and come back to study on Sunday. Well, they where having so much fun that they called their professor and said they had a flat tire and couldn't be back until Monday night.. the professor said ok, and they decided to go home Monday, study and take the test Tuesday. So they came back and studied but little did they know the professor was onto them. He put them all into seperate rooms and they took their tests, but the last question was a bonus question worth 50% of the grade..the question? : Which tire????
A professor was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrows final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family members death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the prof glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write".
Yo his pencil's heavy, knees weak, face is sweaty...the final is on the desk already, but he forgot to study. He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to score A's, but he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down the proctor yawns so loud, then opens his mouth and the words come out...he's talking now everyone's listening now..."the clock's run out...time's up, put your pencils down."
Now I lay me down to study,
I pray the lord I won't go nutty,
for if I fail to learn this junk,
I pray the Lord I will not flunk.
But if I do don't pitty me at all,
just lay my bones in the dorm hall.
Tell my professer I did my best,
now I lay me down to rest,
and pray ill pass tomorrow's test.
But if I die before I wake,
that's one less test ill have to TAKE!
I'm studying for finals - this defies the laws of physics by sucking and blowing at the same time :-/
Dude, why bother taking these finals if I just know I'm going to fail them? Right now, I'm practicing the phrase, 'Would you like fries with that?'
As long as there are finals, there will be prayer in public schools.
I hate having finals. I have to learn everything that I was supposed to be learning all semester … in one week what's with that???
It has commenced...
I'm making a million flashcards
In this time of despair,
I can't really concentrate
In this fun swivel chair.
I hate how they say
This is Important to know.
When all we're learning
Is how plants grow.
You have no idea
How annoyed I am
Changing my plans
For this dumb final exam.
Can you please just
LEAVE ME ALONE AND GO AWAY!
YOU DAMN FINALS
YOU'RE RUINING MY DAY!
F.I.N.A.L.S.
F: F**k
I: I
N: Never
A: Actually
L: Learned
S: Shit
Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING....
I'm not going to cheat on the test tommorow, i'm simply going to study during it.
Twas the night before exam week, and all through the dorms, not a student was studying, this was usually the norm. Kegs in the kitchen, jello shots in the hall--thanks to the liquor, it was a late night for all. Passed out all around, the kids all slept tight. When they woke up the next day, they thought, 'Man, whatta night!' We are to hung-over to study they shouted with cheer. So forget the exams and bring on the beer!
Finals are like boys...
1. they're hard to understand
2. you might get the urge to cheat on them
3. some are harder than others
4. they put pressure on you to perform well
5. they were created to make our lives hell
6. you can work for hours and still get no satisfaction
7. some take longer to finish than others
8. you always have 3 or 4 at a time
9. some aren't as big as you had expected
10. they're much easier to do when you're drunk because you just don't care
A group of college students knew they had a quiz on Monday, so on Friday they decided to go party and come back to study on Sunday. Well, they where having so much fun that they called their professor and said they had a flat tire and couldn't be back until Monday night.. the professor said ok, and they decided to go home Monday, study and take the test Tuesday. So they came back and studied but little did they know the professor was onto them. He put them all into seperate rooms and they took their tests, but the last question was a bonus question worth 50% of the grade..the question? : Which tire????
A professor was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrows final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family members death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the prof glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write".
Yo his pencil's heavy, knees weak, face is sweaty...the final is on the desk already, but he forgot to study. He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to score A's, but he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down the proctor yawns so loud, then opens his mouth and the words come out...he's talking now everyone's listening now..."the clock's run out...time's up, put your pencils down."
Now I lay me down to study,
I pray the lord I won't go nutty,
for if I fail to learn this junk,
I pray the Lord I will not flunk.
But if I do don't pitty me at all,
just lay my bones in the dorm hall.
Tell my professer I did my best,
now I lay me down to rest,
and pray ill pass tomorrow's test.
But if I die before I wake,
that's one less test ill have to TAKE!
I'm studying for finals - this defies the laws of physics by sucking and blowing at the same time :-/
Dude, why bother taking these finals if I just know I'm going to fail them? Right now, I'm practicing the phrase, 'Would you like fries with that?'
As long as there are finals, there will be prayer in public schools.
I hate having finals. I have to learn everything that I was supposed to be learning all semester … in one week what's with that???
It has commenced...
I'm making a million flashcards
In this time of despair,
I can't really concentrate
In this fun swivel chair.
I hate how they say
This is Important to know.
When all we're learning
Is how plants grow.
You have no idea
How annoyed I am
Changing my plans
For this dumb final exam.
Can you please just
LEAVE ME ALONE AND GO AWAY!
YOU DAMN FINALS
YOU'RE RUINING MY DAY!
Nov 28, 2009
Chilly Question & Ans.
Chilly Question & Ans.
*Girlfriend: **And are you sure you love me and no one else?*
*Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday*
***********
*Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?*
*Customer: What other colors do you have?*
***********
*Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.*
*Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help
anyway!!*
***********
*Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?*
*Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.*
***********
*Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!*
*Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.*
***********
*Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!*
*Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?*
***********
*Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.*
*Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!*
***********
*Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!*
*Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.*
***********
*Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!*
*Son: That's why I say she's no **good!*
--
Sean Pun
Butwal, Nepal
*Girlfriend: **And are you sure you love me and no one else?*
*Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday*
***********
*Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?*
*Customer: What other colors do you have?*
***********
*Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.*
*Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help
anyway!!*
***********
*Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?*
*Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.*
***********
*Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!*
*Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.*
***********
*Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!*
*Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?*
***********
*Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.*
*Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!*
***********
*Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!*
*Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.*
***********
*Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!*
*Son: That's why I say she's no **good!*
--
Sean Pun
Butwal, Nepal
Oct 1, 2009
Just For Laugh
*Wife: Akeli ayee hogi?*
*Husband: Tum ko kaise pata?*
*Wife: Uska Husband mere khawab mein aaya tha!*
*Girl & boy were siting alone, boy started touching the girl,*
*Girl: Dont touch me, all this only after marriage.*
*Boy: Ok call me when u r married.*
*Koi aankhon se baat kar leta hai,*
*
Koi aankhon mein mulaqat kar leta hai,*
*
Bara mushkil hota hai jawab dena,*
*
Jab koi english mein baat kar leta hai*
* *
* *
*Ek mandir mein buri neeyat wale gayeb ho jate thay.*
*
Amitab gaye woh gayab,*
*
Hirithik gaye woh gayab,*
*
Akshay gaye woh gayab,*
*
Jab Malika gai toh khud bhagwan gayab!*
* *
* *
*Woman: Panditji, mein apne ladke ka naam kya rakhoon?*
*
Pandit: Iska naam peter rakh do!*
*
Woman: Mera doosra ladkaa bhi hai, jo iskaa twin hai. Main uska naam kya rakhoon?*
*
Pandit: Uskaa naam repeter rakh do!*
* *
*World agar bina GIRLS ke ho jaaye toh kya hoga:*
*Galiya sunsan*
*
College viraan*
*
Duniya pareshan*
*
Tanha insaan*
*
Na Jaanu*
*
Na Jaan*
*
Har taraf bas*
*
JAI HANUMAN*
* *
* *
* *
* *
*Ek pagal: Mujhe katrina ne shaadi ke liye haan bol di hai.*
*Doosra pagal: Dikha di na kameeni ne auqat. Main bhi itni aasani se talaq nahi dene **wala* *.*
* *
* *
* *
*Mere Marne ke baad aey dost aansoo mat bahana,*
*
Agar yaad aaye meri toh seedhe upar chale aana,*
*
Agar waha main na dikhu toh samajh lena tu narag mein hai.*
--
Sean Pun
Sep 27, 2009
( (¯`·._Wanna Laugh? Read this Mail_.·´¯))
*If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but,*
*if your father-in-law is a *
*poor man, it's *
*your*
*stupidity.*
*-----------
*Practice *
*makes perfect.....
*But nobody's perfect..... .*
*so why *
*practice?*
*-----------
*If it's true *
*that we are here to help others,*
*then, what exactly are the others here *
*for?*
*-----------
*Since light *
*travels faster than sound,*
*people appear bright until you hear them *
*speak.*
*-----------
*Money is not *
*everything.
*There's Mastercard & *
*Visa.*
*-----------
*One should love *
*animals.*
*They are so *
*tasty.*
*-----------
*Save *
*water.*
*Shower with your *
*girlfriend.
*-----------
*Love thy *
*neighbor.*
*But don't get *
*caught.*
*-----------
*Behind every *
*successful man, there is a woman.*
*And behind every unsuccessful man, there *
*are two.*
*-----------
*Every man *
*should marry.*
*After all, happiness is not the only thing in *
*life.*
*-----------
*The wise never *
*marry.*
*and when they marry they become *
*otherwise.*
*-----------
*"Your *
*future depends on your dreams"*
*So go to *
*sleep*
*-----------
*There should be *
*a better way to start a day than*
*waking up every *
*morning*
*-----------
*"Hard work *
*never killed anybody"*
*But why take the risk *
*!*
*-----------
*"Work fascinates *
*me"*
*I can look at it for hours *
*-----------
*God made *
*relatives;*
*Thank God we can choose our *
*friends.*
*-----------
*The more you *
*learn, the more you know,*
*The more you know, the more you forget*
*The more *
*you forget, the less you know*
*So.. why *
*learn.*
*-----------
--
Sean Pun
Butwal, Nepal
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mar 25, 2009
Jokes to Make You Laugh
* Make You Laugh *
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning Kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the Cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear
And comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both
Ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andrew says I'm ugly.What
Do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and
No one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again
Yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun
Or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
<wbr>com/index.
: "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need It but the sun gives us light only in the day time
When we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on
Talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school,
History was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father
Is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father That I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared,
Past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a Donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be Showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
Prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
Cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering Doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show That nine out of ten people die of the disease you Have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others All died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married On the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped Down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?" One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is
hand.
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning Kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the Cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear
And comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both
Ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andrew says I'm ugly.What
Do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and
No one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again
Yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun
Or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
<wbr>com/index.
: "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need It but the sun gives us light only in the day time
When we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on
Talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school,
History was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father
Is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father That I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared,
Past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a Donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be Showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
Prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
Cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering Doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show That nine out of ten people die of the disease you Have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others All died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married On the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped Down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?" One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is
hand.
Oct 8, 2008
°l||l° Morning Fun™ °l||l° 3 Wishes
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. and he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. and he was also gone. The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."  |
.
Oct 7, 2008
Politics
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: "Acharya, Anil K" <anil.acharya>
To: "Subba, Birendra X" <birendra.subba>; "Gautam, Tika R" <tika.gautam>; "Gurung, Tej B" <tej.gurung>
Sent: Tuesday, October 7, 2008 2:30:29 AM
Subject: Politics
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family , so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family , so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.
So the little boy Goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Cl ass while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh! it
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Cl ass while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh! it
Regards,
Anil Acharya.
Drilling Communication Support
Bldg # 3091, R-203, Dhahran
Tel. # 03-876-6860
Fax # 03-876-4711
Mobile # 0500497473
Aug 11, 2008
What's a mixed feeling?
|
Aug 7, 2008
Software engineer and his wife
- sigdeldr |
Aug 5, 2008
Europe Life
|
Jun 13, 2008
Nepali Hell
Nepali Hell A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell. Then he comes to the Nepali hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Nepali devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?" "Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!! sent by: |
Jun 4, 2008
Who is smart?
From: "nepalifren@yahoogroups.com" <drs>
To: "nepalifren@yahoogroups.com" <nepalifren@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Saturday, May 31, 2008 13:45:13
Subject: NEPAL^E^FRENZ# Who is smart?
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.
If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
To: "nepalifren@yahoogroups.com" <nepalifren@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Saturday, May 31, 2008 13:45:13
Subject: NEPAL^E^FRENZ# Who is smart?
Student Vs Professor
After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.
If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
Feb 6, 2008
The Husband Store
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
*********
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
*********
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
“Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
*********
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
*********
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
*********
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
*********
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
*********
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
“Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
*********
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
*********
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
*********
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
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