HUSBAND STORE

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may

choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a

woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . ...



On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.



The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.



The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.



"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:



Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the ! Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"  Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:



Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.



She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:



Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible

to please.



Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!



Moral:

Remember Greed is one of the seven deadly sins.

You have to learn to be grateful for what you have to get more.

When you are ungrateful you end up with nothing.

God! Please make me woman.

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day". God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast forhis mate, awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, Drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.

Incredible Pictures Of Russian Ice Festival

Incredible Pictures Of Russian Ice Festival The temperature in Harbin reaches forty below zero, both Fahrenheit and centigrade, and stays below freezing nearly half the year. The city is actually further north than notoriously cold Vladivostok, Russia, just 300 miles away. So what does one do here every winter? Hold an outdoor festival, of course! Rather than suffer the cold, the residents of Harbin celebrate it, with an annual festival of snow and ice sculptures and competitions. This is the amazing sculpture made of snow greeting visitors to the snow festival in 2003. Snow and ice sculpture in Harbin dates back to Manchu times, but the first organized show was held in 1963, and the annual festival itself only started in 1985. Since then, the festival has grown into a massive event, bringing in over a million tourists from all over the world every winter. The sculptures have become more elaborate and artistic over time; this bear and cub are just one small part of a fifty-meter-wide mural sculpture. Most of the sculptures appearing at the snow festival are competitive entries. Each team starts with a cube of packed snow that appears to measure about three meters on a side, and then starts carving away. Teams come in from all over the world - Russia, Japan, Canada, France, even South Africa. Part of the fun is guessing the nationality of the team, based on their sculpture's artistic style, before reading the signs. I believe this was a Russian entry. The sun begins to set behind the magnificent entryway sculpture. The snow festival is actually separate from the ice festival; both take place on the wide open spaces of Sun Island Park north of Harbin's river, Songhua Jiang. Harbin is situated south of the river, so it's a chilly ride over to the sites.  It seems even chillier when crossing the bridge over the very wide and very frozen Songhua Jiang. I was surprised to discover this sculpture of a Native American sitting in the frozen northeast of China; sure enough, I read on the sign that a Canadian team sculpted this entry. Chinese teams had many sculptures at the festival as well, off in another section, but a vast majority didn't measure up to these amazing works. Even the sunsets in Harbin look cold.  Though only mid-afternoon, the sun was setting over the snow festival and the temperature was falling even further below freezing.  But the coming darkness was actually good news, because it meant that the ice festival was about to begin. The ice festival, a few miles away from the snow festival, is anything but dull and colorless. Crowds flocking to the entrance are greeted by dance music booming in the distance, as if at an outdoor pop concert. And bright neon colors shine everywhere, buried within huge blocks of ice forming structures as high as thirty meters, such as this huge structure beyond the entryway.  You can just make out people standing atop its blue and red stairway. A view from atop that structure, looking back on a Russian-styled building and a mock Great Wall, both constructed out of ice. Making it to the top of this structure is an accomplishment in itself - imagine walking up a stairway of solid ice for two floors with no handrails. The yellow block wall on the right and the balcony work on the lower left are all ice, with no internal support structure - just lights. The Great Wall doubles as a long ice slide; just sit and go.  You can pick up some serious speed and wipe out spectacularly at the bottom if you're wearing a slick coat, but you won't go anywhere if you're wearing corduroy pants. An overview of the ice festival from atop the Great Wall of ice. It's like a Disney theme park, with multiple attractions and food hawkers and kids running around and people lined up for bathrooms. The only differences are that the temperature is about a hundred degrees colder than the typical Disney park, and all the structures are made out of ice rather than plastic - and slipping and falling here doesn't result in tremendous lawsuits. One of the popular activities at the festival is climbing a wall of solid ice. Amazingly, I didn't see a single person fall, and most everyone made it to the top. All the ice comes from Songhua Jiang, the nearby river, which provides a limitless supply; huge chainsaws are required to cut through the ice, which can be meters thick. The snow festival is mostly a display of art; the ice festival is mostly a display of architecture. Nevertheless, a number of sculptures can be found at the ice festival, such as this life-sized horse.  Agile youngsters with good balance climb atop the horses to have their pictures taken.  Notice the layers of ice in the horse; blocks of ice are fused together to form larger blocks so that sculptures - or huge buildings - can be made. An entire ship constructed of ice, with passengers onboard.  Though it might not be seaworthy, the ship would certainly float - after all, it's made of ice.  Hundreds of years ago during the Manchu days of ice lantern art, the sculptures were lit only by candles. A Thai temple of ice, complete with hallways and rooms inside.  Long ago, Disney made a Circle-Vision 360 film called "Wonders of China" - still showing at the China pavilion in the World Showcase at EPCOT - which includes a brief section on Harbin's ice festival.  In the movie, the sculptures are quite low-key, little more than blinking light bulbs inside small globes and ice carvings.  Things have changed a bit since those days.

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jokes

प्रेमी प्रेमिकालाई:प्यारि म तिमीसँग बिहे गर्न सक्दिन मेरो परिवारले मानिरहेको छैनन्

प्रेमिक:तिम्रो परिवारमा को को छ र ?

प्रेमि:एउटि श्रीमती र तीन जना बच्चा..........

 

शिक्षक:यती तिम्रो बुवाले ५०० रुपैया १० को दर ले ब्याजमा लिनु भयो भने १ बर्षमा कती तिर्नु पर्छ ?

विद्यार्थी:कती पनि तिर्नु पर्दैन ।

शिक्षक:तिमीलाई हिसाब गर्न आउदैन ?

विद्यार्थी:सर मलाई त हिसाब आउछ तर मेरो बुवालाई आउदैन

 

राम: म एक पटक जँगल मा पिसाब गर्न लाई गएको थिए मेरो अगाडी एउटा बाघ आयो

श्याम्: अनि के भयो???

राम: मैले बाघ लाई भने पहिले तिमी गर मेरो त भयो.......

 

राम:त्यो केटी हेर त कती राम्री

श्याम्:मलाई त्यस्को नाम थाहा छ

राम:के नाम हो त्यसको

श्याम्:त्यो केटी बैँक मा काम गर्छे, र उस्को काउन्टरको माथी उस्को नाम लेखेको छ चालु खाता....

 

सिक्षक्: ठुलो भए पछी तिमी के गर्छौ ?

विद्यार्थी: सर बिहे

सिक्षक्: मेरो मतलब्, के बन्छौ?

विद्यार्थी: सर बेहुला

सिक्षक्: मेरो मतलब त्यो होईन, ठुलो भएर के पाउछौ?

विद्यार्थी: सर बेहुलि..

 

परिछामा एउटा परिछार्थिले सबै प्रश्नको उत्तर खाली छोडेछ र अन्तिम पृस्ठ मा यस्तो लेखेछ ,,,,,:-

"यदी आफ्नो बाउको सन्तान होश भने पास बनएर देखा

 

एउटा प्रचलित वृध मान्छेले भर्खरको केटीसँग विवाह गरेछ ।

रिपोर्टर : तपाईंले उहाँमा के देख्नुभयो ?

केटी : एक त उहाँको इन्कम्, अर्को दिनकम

 

पती पत्निमा लडाईं भयो । पती रिसले घरबाट हिड्यो ।

(४ घण्टापछी पती घरमा फोन गर्दै)

पती : आज के पकाको छ ।

पत्नी : बिष ! खाने हो ।

 

हरी : मम्मी म जन्मनुभन्दा पहिला तपाईंले मलाई देख्नुभएको थियो ।

मम्मी : थिईन

हरी : त्यसोभए जन्मिएपछी मलाई कसरी चिन्नुभयो ।

 

रोगी : डाक्टर साब मलाई डर लागि रहेको छ, किनकी यो मेरो पहिलो आपरेसन हो ।

डाक्टर : म तिम्रो हालत राम्ररी बुज्छु, किनभने मेरो पनि यो पहिलो आपरेसन हो ।

final exams~ funny hahaha

Finals week !!


F.I.N.A.L.S.
F: F**k
I: I
N: Never
A: Actually
L: Learned
S: Shit

Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING.....i don't think that was an accident!

I'm not going to cheat on the test tommorow, i'm simply going to study during it.

Twas the night before exam week, and all through the dorms, not a student was studying, this was usually the norm. Kegs in the kitchen, jello shots in the hall--thanks to the liquor, it was a late night for all. Passed out all around, the kids all slept tight. When they woke up the next day, they thought, 'Man, whatta night!' We are to hung-over to study they shouted with cheer. So forget the exams and bring on the beer!

Finals are like boys...
1. they're hard to understand
2. you might get the urge to cheat on them
3. some are harder than others
4. they put pressure on you to perform well
5. they were created to make our lives hell
6. you can work for hours and still get no satisfaction
7. some take longer to finish than others
8. you always have 3 or 4 at a time
9. some aren't as big as you had expected
10. they're much easier to do when you're drunk because you just don't care

A group of college students knew they had a quiz on Monday, so on Friday they decided to go party and come back to study on Sunday. Well, they where having so much fun that they called their professor and said they had a flat tire and couldn't be back until Monday night.. the professor said ok, and they decided to go home Monday, study and take the test Tuesday. So they came back and studied but little did they know the professor was onto them. He put them all into seperate rooms and they took their tests, but the last question was a bonus question worth 50% of the grade..the question? : Which tire????

A professor was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrows final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family members death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the prof glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write".

Yo his pencil's heavy, knees weak, face is sweaty...the final is on the desk already, but he forgot to study. He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to score A's, but he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down the proctor yawns so loud, then opens his mouth and the words come out...he's talking now everyone's listening now..."the clock's run out...time's up, put your pencils down."

Now I lay me down to study,
I pray the lord I won't go nutty,
for if I fail to learn this junk,
I pray the Lord I will not flunk.
But if I do don't pitty me at all,
just lay my bones in the dorm hall.
Tell my professer I did my best,
now I lay me down to rest,
and pray ill pass tomorrow's test.
But if I die before I wake,
that's one less test ill have to TAKE!

I'm studying for finals - this defies the laws of physics by sucking and blowing at the same time :-/

Dude, why bother taking these finals if I just know I'm going to fail them? Right now, I'm practicing the phrase, 'Would you like fries with that?'
As long as there are finals, there will be prayer in public schools.

I hate having finals. I have to learn everything that I was supposed to be learning all semester … in one week what's with that???
It has commenced...finals week is upon us in full force, seizing what sanity I have left after a menacing term. The thought of a pure, utopian society has faded while (insert school name here) has captured the last breath of any rational existence and conquered our self-worth. In coming days it is likely to see a plethora of unpleasant faces staring into an oblivion that can only be experienced by the (insert school name here) society. The underlying prolifigacy in which this institution so loves to put forth has taken a toll on our already feeble carcasses, in result of consuming repulsive dining hall rations. The possibility of survival is a distant notion...God help us all...

I'm making a million flashcards
In this time of despair,
I can't really concentrate
In this fun swivel chair.
I hate how they say
This is Important to know.
When all we're learning
Is how plants grow.
You have no idea
How annoyed I am
Changing my plans
For this dumb final exam.
Can you please just
LEAVE ME ALONE AND GO AWAY!
YOU DAMN FINALS
YOU'RE RUINING MY DAY!