New Guidelines for Employees - Funny

1. DRESS CODE:  It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Rs 1000 Prada sneakers & carrying a Rs 2000 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. 2. SICK DAYS:  We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 3. SURGERY:  Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. 4. PERSONAL DAYS:  Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays. 5. VACATION DAYS:  All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: January 1, July 4, and December 25. 6. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:  This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for deceased friends, relatives, or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your work is done. 7. OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:  This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement. 8. RESTROOM USE:  Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going once each day, in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open. 9. LUNCH BREAK:  Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.   Sean Pun Butwal, Nepal

Very Cute Animations

 

sent by: Manjeel Dip Subba.

My Ten Angels

My Ten Angels    Ten angels walk beside me, each and every day. Ten angels help to guide me, to give comfort and protect. They have been my companions since I was very young. Now you ask me, "Why ten?  Do you think you are special? Why not one, or two, or three? Why ten?  Surely you don't need so many." Well, each and every angel has a special job to do. Yes, it seems that even angels specialize. All of us know Faith,  Hope  and Charity. They are wonderful angels, and all so overworked! But there are seven more you see, and each and every one gives comfort and protects. The fourth angel is the angel I call  Tolerance,  whom I fear we do not use enough, for if we did there would not be any bigotry or hate. The next angel is the one I call  Forgiveness, who is under utilized as well.  Who among us could not do with more Forgiveness in our hearts. Then we have the angel I call Beauty.  We all see so much ugliness in life. I don't know a single soul who couldn't do with more Beauty in their life. The next two angels are the twins I call Joy and Happiness. They are the most often seen walking hand in hand. My favorite angel is the one I call Friend. This little angel is the one who can bring real riches to our lives.  I have often heard her saying, "To have a friend, one must first be a friend." And do you know, it works !!  And last but in no way least, is the angel I call  Love.  Sometimes she seems so shy and it seems like she is sleeping. But she is always near. If we would only open up our hearts and just see her standing there. For if we did, then all the other Angels would be easier to see. It is my belief that we all have Ten Angels walking beside us. They are sent from God , to see us through, to guide, comfort and protect us until the day we join Him in the place we call Heaven. Take time to notice the angels around you!   Pass this on to a friend. We all need to know our angels!  Sean Pun Butwal, Nepal

Who is smart?

From: "nepalifren@yahoogroups.com" <drs>
To: "nepalifren@yahoogroups.com" <nepalifren@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Saturday, May 31, 2008 13:45:13
Subject: NEPAL^E^FRENZ# Who is smart?

Student Vs Professor

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

Galz Feelingz

From: "nepalifren@yahoo.com" <drs>
To: "nepalifren@yahoogroups.com" <nepalifren@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, April 22, 2008 7:43:08
Subject: NEPAL^E^FRENZ# Galz Feelingz

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's crying in her heart.

2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her some time to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.

3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which is why it is so hard for her to 'get over him' after the relationship' s over.)

4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.

5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will melt.

6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually not sure how to react to them.

7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stare ok?

8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.

9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you still treat her as a friend, talk to her.

10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel. Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).

11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.

12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.

13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start telephoning her friends to spread the news.

14. A smile means a lot to a girl.

15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you.

16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, leave.

17. But if she still calls you or expect a call from you, stay.

18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.....

19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a great reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.

20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'll wonder why she never noticed him before.

21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl, read romance stories.

22. When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.

23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.

24. Girls love having fun!

25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.

26. A girl's best friends usually know best what she is feeling and going through.

27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.

28. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to a girl, in that order.

29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care for them.

30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

.